One miscalculation I realized while dating
Hello, this is Gotou (Shitamiyama).
I previously mentioned in this newsletter“I started dating”
and I would like to tell you
that I have received a lot of responses
from readers and members of the Stock Academy School.
I’ve received supportive messages,
and from students of the school“How has dating been since then?”
I’m sometimes asked.
But,one thing I realized after starting dating is
it seems that men over 40
are at a significant disadvantage in the dating market.
“Getting married,having children,
and retiring before their children become adults is a bit...
this is whyin the dating market
men are generally capped at age 40.
Of course it’s not impossible, but
the chances of getting married drop significantly.
“If you’re going to date anyway,
maybe I should have started sooner,”
is what I realized after starting.
Dating, like anything else,has a time limit.
I think almost everyone
has something they’ve been vaguely curious about,but thought, well, someday...
and there are probably one or two things
you’ve been putting off.
Stuff pushed to the corner of your mind
that you’ve been pretending not to notice,
you likely have it too.
That kind of thing should be started as soon as possible.
Starting it later when you realize you’re already late
is the worst-case scenario.
While dating, I met a woman who
was wondering, “I want to have hotpot noodles,but what should I do?”
I told her,
“If you’re curious, you should eat it.”
“Because right now, in this moment, if you collapseand are taken to the hospital
and you can’t eat the hotpot noodles,there would only be regret.”
That’s what we talked about.
In the end, when she tried it,
it wasn’t that delicious (laughs).
But if you don’t try,
you’ll wonder, “Was it good, how would it have been?”
and regret would linger more.
Whether to eat the hotpot noodles or not
might not be a big problem, but…
as they say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,”
so don’t ignore those small feelings;
live honestly with your own feelings,
and you’ll be able to act proactively.
By the way,speaking of dating,
I’m over 40,
but when I actually registered,I was grateful to receive
a lot of inquiries.
“Marriage isn’t determined solely by age”
was another new realization.
So,for men who think, “I’m this age, dating now is too late,”
if you are reading this newsletter,
it might be good to give dating a try.
Why not give it a try.
Of course,
there’s no guarantee it will go perfectly,
but whether good or bad,when you act, you’ll get an answer.
Then
a new path may open up for you.
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
Dating is winding down soon.
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
As I always write in this newsletter,
I don’t go out much in daily life.
At home I play gamesand read manga.
That’s my everyday life.
So naturally,
I rarely have chances to talk to women face-to-face.
Occasionally I’d be invited to parties
and they’d say, “Nice girls will come.”
But I don’t drink,
so I basically don’t attend those events.
Yet, recently,for me, it’s been unimaginable how many women I’ve talked to.
I also took the advice, “First, talk to many different people,”
and as possible
I tried to meet many people.
Continuing to meet new people can be tiring,
but it’s also genuinely enjoyable.
Because I don’t usually have those opportunities,it felt especially enjoyable.
However,I don’t intend to keep dating forever.
Originally I decided to start by the end of the year,
so dating will soon come to an end.
So,after actually dating,how the results turned out
is not yet known at this stage.
I don’t know what will happen,but I’ll report back on what happened,
in due course.
In any case,the most important thing I wanted to tell you today is,
“If you’re curious, don’t delay;just take action.”
That is what matters.
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
To you who can’t take action
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
Even so, when humans start new actions,
it takes a lot of energy.
Because,to start anew is
fear for humans.
For example, many people clean up at year-end,
but even a single cleaning task can be
become scary for someone.
“Cleaning is scary?”
It may not make sense, but
I’ll share a passage that explains this.
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
Why does fear accompany even small actions
when many actions accumulate?
One reason is that
“to clean the house, you must work until it is clean.”
that fear keeps you from starting.
Chip Heath, Dan Heath
“Switch!” (Hayakawa Shobo)
October 15, 2016
P.175
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
In other words, the fear here is
the fear of “I must be perfect.”
Serious people often fall into perfectionismand can’t take action, which is common.
Then,what can we do to start taking more actions easily?
One is to change your mindset.
In the same book, there is a proposal like this.
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
Instead of trying to make the house spotless,
think that you will make it cleaner than it is now.
Lowering your goals can liberate you from fear,
can’t it?
By lowering your targets, you may liberate yourself from fear.
Chip Heath, Dan Heath
“Switch!” (Hayakawa Shobo)
2016年10月15日
P.176
＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝
Everyone, when starting something,often sets grand goals.
That’s wonderful, but
if you aim to clear a few small goals one by one,
you can act more easily.
In the timing when a new year is about to begin,
it is a perfect chance to start something new.
Please try starting the thing you’ve been curious about
without placing too much pressure on yourself.
I sincerely hope you lead a better life.
Thank you for reading until the end today as well.
Keizo Gotani
