[The wife who opposed stock has switched to support] The magic two characters that create a good marital relationship
Hello, this is Shimoyama.
Last time I wrote that I started dating to find a partner,
When it comes to love and marriage
The Bachelor Japan Season 3, which was streamed on Amazon Prime,
was turning into a online uproar.
（From here on, spoilers ahead.）
“The Bachelor Japan” is a dating reality show
where a group of women compete to win the hand of a rich and handsome man.
It is a dating reality show in which women vie for one wealthy, handsome man.
At the end of October, the final episode of Season 3 was released,
but its shocking ending sparked controversy.
The finale featured a date in Paris, France.
What remained at that point were
former hostess Mizuta (Water) and
a grape-farm family in Iwama.
Iwama was the main favorite,
but Bachelor Tomonaga connected with Iwama in Paris
and it seemed she was semi-rejected,
and in the end Mizuta received the rose
and the finale was reached.
All's well that ends well, but
the shocking fact was revealed just one month later,
that Mizuta and Tomonaga had broken up.
Moreover, the fact that
Tomonaga contacted Iwama after she had not been chosen
and they started dating, was revealed on the show.
Even more, it was revealed that
Tomonaga began contacting Iwama while Mizuta was dating him.
This fact was revealed on the program, and.
It fueled the fire.
By the way, Iwama had been
saying things like,
“I don’t even know if I really like Tomonaga.”
That stance seemed to ignite Tomonaga’s feelings as well.
However, Iwama
ultimately not being chosen
might have ignited her feelings for Tomonaga in the very end.
People are strongly drawn to things that are hard to obtain and are scarce,
and perhaps that’s what happened when she realized she had lost him.
In any case, the online world was full of
critical opinions about this ending.
Even a special program where Bachelor participants gathered had an atmosphere as if the studio were frozen.
And from the women, a storm of disapproval.
However, some male hosts believed
that “the Bachelor’s feelings are understandable.”
That is, an opinion as well.
Between men and women
the way of viewing things seems different.
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Different values about investment between men and women
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Now, here is the main topic,
when talking about “the differences in values that arise between men and women,”
the values surrounding investment
also appear to differ between the sexes.
Generally men tend to pursue
trying to achieve financial success through high-risk, high-reward moves,
engaging in transactions,
whereas women
view “investment as gambling”
and tend to shy away from investment more than men.
In fact, some people’s wives tell them,
“Stop gambling!” and secretly trade stocks,
there are a certain number of people in the stock academy.
In general, the image that investment = gambling
is deeply entrenched, so perhaps that’s not surprising.
In reality, husbands
who engage in gambling-like trades
that dissipate large amounts of household funds exist.
However, some people manage risk properly and use solid approaches,
yet
even so are told repeatedly to “quit investing!”
by their partners.
That’s infuriating, isn’t it.
When that happens, it’s not about investing anymore
but about the fundamental trust in the marriage itself,
and that is questioned.
“I can’t trust anything you say.”
Is that how it feels?
I really hope we can improve the trust between spouses.
There is a long history behind us, so
the current situation didn’t appear overnight,
and rebuilding trust in a marriage isn’t easy.
However, there are things you can do.
Just two characters, using them with awareness
can greatly improve a marriage’s trust.
So, what are those two characters?
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The two magical characters for a good marriage
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You, how a harmonious marriage
differs from a dysfunctional one,
where do you think that difference comes from?
There isn’t a single answer.
There are many types of couples, and
there is no universal rule that applies to all relationships.
However, psychologists Sandra Murray and John Holmes
conducted studies on couples,
and found that
between harmonious and non-harmonious couples there is“one important difference.”
That difference is “words.”
A certain word was the key.
So, what is that word?
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“Couples who stay harmonious tended to soften negative words when talking about a partner’s flaws.
“The husband is lazy, but we can joke about it and laugh together.”
“The wife is a poor cook. But because of that, we can still go out to eat together every day.””
Richard Wiseman
“The Science of Success” (Bungeishunju)
2012-09-10 First Edition
P.229
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The word is,
“but.”
Everyone has flaws.
And when minor flaws annoy you,
they can cause relationships to deteriorate,
which is a common story.
However, by using the word “but,”
not ending at the flaws but adding a positive meaning to them,
you can significantly improve the couple’s trust.
When talking to your wife,
are you ending negative statements with a negative note?
First of all
you shouldn’t say negative things, but
if you do,
try not to end there; keep it constructive.
Doing so alone can greatly change
your marital trust.
Today as well, thank you for watching until the end.
Thank you.
Keizo Shimoyama
